Hello Mr. God,
What it do baby? It’s your boy Robert again. How are things up there? How’s your Old Lady? Wait! Do you have an Old Lady? I hope not because they are a driving me crazy down here on Earth. God, you broke the mold when you made woman—especially when you made the Black woman. A black woman’s elegance and grace is beyond comparison—their eyes, their smile, their legs, and their hips are a sight to see. But God, these bitches got me going crazy down here. Oh snap, I have to stop calling these hoes bitches. Oh crap, I did it again. My bad, son. I guess I’m not supposed to call women hoes and bitches but that’s what most of my friends call them so I don’t see the big deal.
The reason for me writing you today is because I am ardently in love with women; I can’t get enough of them. Why is this God? Maybe it’s biological—it must be since us men would rather watch the game then listen to the superfluous information that oozes from their lips. God, I don’t currently have a girlfriend but a do date quite frequently. I have dated many different women: tall ones, short ones, thick ones, skinny ones, funny ones, boring ones; you name it and I’ve probably dated it. God, do you think that I have a problem since I cannot commit to a monogamous relationship? OK, I’ll stop lying to you since you know everything. I kinda have a girlfriend right now—OK, OK, OK I do have a girlfriend right now. I said it. ARE YOU HAPPY NOW!!!
The reason why I lied earlier about not having a girlfriend is because I date other people while I am with her. I mean, I’m not married or anything so what’s the big deal God? I tried to be faithful, but being with one woman is difficult for me. God, I tried. I really, really, tried to be faithful, but things have changed since I have been in this relationship. In the beginning, everything was great, and I thought she was the best thing since sliced bread. As time went on, everything changed and our relationship suffered. I can’t believe that I’m about to admit this but she didn’t make me feel like a man anymore. Does that sound gay to you because it seems really gay to me?
Nothing made me feel better than knowing the fact that she couldn’t function without me. I think that she truly idolized me. I guess that made me feel like a man. Now, everything is different. It seems like she doesn’t even need me anymore. She is always running to her stank-ass girlfriends who couldn’t get or keep a man if they tried. My bad God, I am sounding kinda punkish right now. But God, what makes a man a man?
I began to cheat on my girlfriend because those girls would make me feel like a man for the time that I was with them. They actually showed interest in me again. They actually wanted ME God. I didn’t have to trick them into having sex—they actually wanted to. Oh snap, you weren’t supposed to know that I was having sex before marriage. Oh hell, you already know. I guess sleeping with different women made me feel more like a man. Oh yeah God, what makes a man a man?
Is a man defined by what he looks like? Or, is a man defined by what he does? Do I need to be feared in order to be a man, or do I need to be loved. Is a man defined by how big or how small his penis is? God I’m so confused. Wait, women know what defines a man. They are always insisting that they need a real man and they will know him when they find him. Maybe being popular defines a man because all the women at my college always went after those popular fraternity guys and those dumb athletes. Those same women at my college never gave your average Joe like me the time of day. I was smart and had a very good grade point average, but women never noticed me. Maybe having lots of money defines a man because women usually flock like sheep when they spot a man with money.
I don’t know what defines a man, but I do know that it is hard being one—especially a black one. The black man is feared in American. Everyday that I go to work I feel less and less like a man. For starters, I have to be very careful about what I say or do. I am always under the watchful eye of the overseer—I mean boss—and everything that I do is magnified. Usually, it’s just based on the fact that I’m the only black male in the office. God, it reminds me of my college days. I took a class my sophomore year that had nearly 200 students in it. People would be absent all the time and no one would even notice. I missed one day of class and the next day it seemed like everyone asked me why I didn’t attend class the previous day—even my damn professor. Aint that ‘bout a bitch. It just seems to me that everyone in this country is mindful of the black man.
Even the black man is mindful of the black man. God we have this thing called “being hard”. Being hard is basically showing little emotion—if any—while making others feel inferior to you in anyway you can. We tend to idolize individuals who are hard. These individuals usually include gang members, dope dealers, pimps, and others. They acquire their reputations by displaying their physical power over weaker individuals. Is this what a man is God? Do I need to make others feel inferior to me in order to feel like a man? I’m not sure because individuals in gangs acquire their power based on sheer numbers. Dope dealers acquire their power based on the physical and psychological affects their products have on people. And pimps usually acquire their power by preying on individuals who have been physically and psychologically abused. Check this out God, gang members, dope dealers and pimps are some of the most popular music stars of today—go figure.
I don’t know God, is this all just a product of my ego? Do I do things to satiate my ego? Please let me know.
Sincerely,
Robert Harwin
P.S.
Thank you for listening to me. I truly appreciate—oh snap, that girl got a fat booty. God, I’ll talk to you later. Holla!!!
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